Sunday, August 29, 2010

Open the door and step into the light

After an hour of stumbling through the net, here I am.  I want to have a stage to talk about my life - now, then, and in the future - and share my thoughts on being an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.  Though I am not ready to state my name, I am ready to share.

I went through a battery of abuses, two single event perpetrators and one too-numerous-to-count perpetrator.  One of the single-event perpetrators was a family acquaintance; the other two were family members.

I have been through years of individual and group therapy and am currently on hiatus from counseling.  I stopped due to a conflict with my last LCSW and have not picked it up again due to... money?  Resistance?  Fear?

Laying the issues aside only lasts but so long, then they wake up and swirl about me, leaking out of everyday moments.  That is one thing I hope to write about:  the triggers, disassociation, coping, methods to soothe, and anything else I can muster.  I am having trouble already, clouds gathering around my head - clouds of sleep and avoidance.  Opening myself up feels so intimidating, terrifying even, no matter how many times or ways I manage to do it.

Deep breath.  Good night.  I welcome your comments.


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